interesting. my response to a generalized question about my ex.

July 11th, 2008 · 6 Comments

Ok, here is a quick run down of my past/present with Gabriel’s dad:

We worked at the same place. Ricardo had black hair and blue eyes and super thick eyelashes. He was really good at the brooding, introspective thing. He was a freshly former marine, who was figuring out what to do with his life now, resented the military, and was writing stories and doing sculptures in his spare time. (The writing was LOUSY, and so were the sculptures, but that was irrelevent).

Even some people at work didn’t see why i would get involved with him. He was awkward socially, had a little bit of a temper. etc. He was hard to be at ease around, for many people. I, however, am definitely the nurturing type, and found the whole thing quite romantic.

We were good at the rocky relationship thing. He would be randomly jealous, we’d have big arguments where i was completely stunned, because i didn’t understand what had started them. (I would have looked at and smiled at our waiter, for example, while placing my order, and then 3 hours later, Ricardo was furious.) But, I was a sucker for the making up. Him driving a couple hours in the rain, to find me when i was out with my mom, practically crying at a bar, or something of the sort. Water dripping from that handsome face, wet hair, and him realizing the wrongs of his ways and his true love for me.

I was a total sucker. Ridiculous.

We moved in together quickly. Were engaged within about 6 months (I went totally weak in the knees when he told me he had dreamed of our wedding day, and knew i was going to be his wife). Ended up pregnant before the wedding, so we pushed it back. I didn’t want people to think we were getting married because we had to.

Long story short, we finally got married when Gabriel was 18 months old. We were together a total of 3 years, but we only made it as a married couple, living in the same home for 3 months. We had my big wedding. 200 guests (only about 5 of them were his). We bought a house. And we were miserable.

He would come home from work, and say things like, “I have to be nice to people all day at work. I shouldn’t have to pretend to want to be nice to you when I get home.”

Even better was his attitude about me staying home with the baby while he was little, something I had known my whole life that I wanted to do if I had a child (not a big fan of infants in daycare). Ricardo wanted me to go back to work. I pointed out that, at my income level, at that time, that by the time we paid for gas and childcare, we would profit only about $100/month by me working. He said, “Well, at least you wouldn’t be sitting at home doing nothing all day.” Classic.

Anyway. In September, 3 months after our wedding, we went on separate vacations. I went to Seattle for a long weekend to visit my best friend, Sarah. He went to visit his family in South Carolina. Gabriel stayed with my mother. I discovered, on that trip, that normal, rational, intelligent, people actually enjoyed hearing what I had to say, and found me pleasurable to be around. Ricardo called and said, “I love it down here… either we’re moving here or I am” (mind you, we had only purchased our house 3 months before, as well).

Pretty soon it was over. I had come to my senses and he went on his way. He doesn’t see Gabriel or pay child support. About once a year, Gabe really wants to talk to his dad, and I track him down. A few months ago we got his number and called him. He was furious with me. Says he won’t be involved with Gabriel unless I give him shared custody and send him down there for summers. SUMMERS. To the man who never even calls the kid or sends him a Christmas card. Yeah right.

I have offered to pay for his transportation and a hotel room for him to come see Gabe, but he won’t do it.

That’s that.

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Tags: navel-gazing · parenting

6 responses so far ↓

1 Connie // Jul 11, 2008 at 10:38 pm

Angela…this really puts him in to perspective. He’s the one missing out on such a beautiful son. You are such a good Mother and I admire you more than you know.

Luv Ya!!

C
2 Akash // Jul 12, 2008 at 12:31 am

Wow. You weren’t kidding when I asked you about Gabriel’s father and you replied (with the right combination of exhaustion, sadness and disgust in your voice), “Oh god, that’s another story.” A real prize-winner, that one. I may not like children (like at all, I mean I’m sure Gabe is wonderful but he’s works better as an abstract for me) but I do think if you’re going to have them kids, you should be prepared to love and take care of them. Which you seem to be doing a terrific job of on your own.
3 Akash // Jul 12, 2008 at 12:34 am

Ok my typing was horrible on the previous post, but the sentiment remains.

(Though the post about Gabe admiring his own body and you describing it “glistening” or whatever is kind of gross. How old is he exactly?)
4 angela // Jul 14, 2008 at 7:37 am

hey guys. thanks for commenting. i didn’t get a notification for some reason, so i apologize for the delay in commenting back.

Akash… it was funny, when he admired himself. really. he is 7.
5 Atherton Bartelby // Jul 20, 2008 at 6:25 pm

I am loving your posts on Frank’s blog, Angela.

I admire you for wanting to stay home with your son after he was born, and for sticking to your beliefs. A very large part of the person I am today, I feel, came from my mother staying home with me until I entered school.

Also, may I be forgiven if I say that your ex is a total asshole?
6 Angela Episale // Jul 20, 2008 at 7:09 pm

thank you. i have been wondering if i people enjoy reading these, or if it is all too mundane to be interesting. so, guess this shows that at least one person wouldn’t mind reading.

-angela

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